Nine Moments in Fairyland revised

I cannot tell whether things have fragmented, or whether they were always this way. There was dust; there were trees; there was light brighter than anything I had ever seen. <center>I [[piece]] them together.</center> {(set: $dirtglamour to false) (set: $dirtteeth to false) (set: $dirtfracture to false) (set: $glamourfracture to false) (set: $glamourteeth to false) (set: $teethfracture to false) (set: $readpiece to false)}

{(if: $readpiece is false)[When and where: it's growing more difficult to recall. But I do know sensation.] (else:)[There is more to recall. I know it.]} (align: "==>")[{(if: $dirtglamour is false or $dirtteeth is false or $dirtfracture is false)[(link-goto: "Dirt")]}] (align: "=><=")[{(if: $dirtfracture is false or $glamourfracture is false or $teethfracture is false)[(link-goto: "Fracture")]}] (align:"<==")[{(if: $dirtglamour is false or $glamourfracture is false or $glamourteeth is false)[(link-goto: "Glamour")]}] (align: "=><=")[{(if: $dirtteeth is false or $glamourteeth is false or $teethfracture is false)[(link-goto: "Teeth")]}] {(set:$readpiece to true)}

(align: "=><=")[(if: $dirtglamour is false)[[Glamour]<DirtGlamour|]] (align: "<==")[(if: $dirtteeth is false)[[Teeth]<DirtTeeth|]] (align:"=><=")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[Dirt]] (align: "==>")[(if: $dirtfracture is false)[[Fracture]<DirtFracture|]] {(click-replace: ?DirtGlamour)[(link-goto: "I wanted everything","DirtGlamour")] (click-replace: ?DirtTeeth)[(link-goto: "the dust glittered","DirtTeeth")] (click-replace: ?DirtFracture)[(link-goto: "the earth was thin here","DirtFracture")]}

(align: "<==")[(if: $glamourfracture is false)[[Glamour]<GlamourFracture|]] (align: "==>")[(if: $teethfracture is false)[[Teeth]<TeethFracture|]] (align:"=><=")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[Fracture]] (align: "<==")[(if: $dirtfracture is false)[[Dirt]<DirtFracture|]] {(click-replace: ?TeethFracture)[(link-goto: "he was sharp we were shards","TeethFracture")] (click-replace: ?GlamourFracture)[(link-goto: "I couldn't see his eyes","GlamourFracture")] (click-replace: ?DirtFracture)[(link-goto: "the earth was thin here","DirtFracture")]}

(align:"=><=")[(if: $glamourteeth is false)[[Teeth]<GlamourTeeth|]] (align:"<==")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[Glamour]] (align:"==>")[(if: $dirtglamour is false)[[Dirt]<DirtGlamour|]] (align:"=><=")[(if: $glamourfracture is false)[[Fracture]<GlamourFracture|]] {(click-replace: ?GlamourTeeth)[(link-goto: "he was shining we were pure","GlamourTeeth")] (click-replace: ?DirtGlamour)[(link-goto: "I wanted everything","DirtGlamour")] (click-replace: ?GlamourFracture)[(link-goto: "I couldn't see his eyes","GlamourFracture")]}

(align:"==>")[(if: $glamourteeth is false)[[Glamour]<GlamourTeeth|]] (align:"=><=")[(if: $dirtteeth is false)[[Dirt]<DirtTeeth|]] (align:"==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[Teeth]] (align:"=><=")[(if: $teethfracture is false)[[Fracture]<TeethFracture|]] {(click-replace: ?GlamourTeeth)[(link-goto: "he was shining we were pure","GlamourTeeth")] (click-replace: ?DirtTeeth)[(link-goto: "the dust glittered","DirtTeeth")] (click-replace: ?TeethFracture)[(link-goto: "he was sharp we were shards","TeethFracture")]}

(set: $progress to it +1, $dirtglamour to true)Memories of discomfort slipped away like water through fingers, replaced with the scent of trees, and honey, and something else sharp and acrid- The road, the dust, the crash: all were distant. Did they matter, now I was here with him? [[yes]<yes| (click-replace: "?yes")[(link-goto: "I was that person as well","dirtglamouryes")] [no]<no| (click-replace: "?no")[(link-goto: "I was done with all that","dirtglamourno")]]

(set: $progress to it +1, $dirtteeth to true)-and we were reclining beneath open sky and the tree canopy. From the dish at his knee, he plucked a fruit the colour of amethyst and pushed it, gently, into my hand. [[eat]<eat| (click-replace: "?eat")[(link-goto: "juice ran down his wrist","dirtteetheat")] [feed]<feed| (click-replace: "?feed")[(link-goto: "he looked so hungry","dirtteethfeed")]]

(set: $progress to it +1, $teethfracture to true)Our skin touched and everything shifted. My body was bright and weightless. We were elsewhere. Dark, but not night. Beneath a roof, but not indoors. I smelled rain and earth. When he smiled, flames sparked into being. [[smile]<smile| (click-replace: "?smile")[(link-goto: "I was not nervous, but I wanted him to like me","teethfracturesmile")] [speak]<speak| (click-replace: "?speak")[(link-goto: "I needed to know","teethfracturespeak")]]

(set: $progress to it +1, $glamourfracture to true)My chest felt hollowed-out, my flesh pared-down. He watched me with careful intensity, and licked his teeth. [[focus]<focus| (click-replace: "?focus")[(link-goto: "spiralling what-ifs","glamourfracturefocus")] [ignore]<ignore| (click-replace: "?ignore")[(link-goto: "my skin thrilled","glamourfractureignore")]]

(set: $progress to it +1, $glamourteeth to true)I never looked at a guy that way before, but - his pointed face and glittering rings sparking in the candlelight, and the purr of his voice - [[watch]<yes| (click-replace: "?yes")[(link-goto: "I drank it in","glamourteethwatch")] [listen]<no| (click-replace: "?no")[(link-goto: "it filled my mind","glamourteethlisten")]]

(if: $progress <6)[Gravel against my cheek. Grazed knuckles. Shouting. Crackling flames. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] {(else:)[I [[struggled|endpage]] against suffocation, pushing against this place and against him.]}

(if: $progress <6)[I sank deep into the warmth of this place. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] {(else:)[My skin tingled with energy, and I [[luxuriated|endpage]] in the feel of the air.]}

He asked: "Will you stay?" And I answered. [[accept]<accept| (click-replace: "?accept")[I want all this. (link-goto: "'Please.'","accept")] [refuse]<refuse| (click-replace: "?refuse")[This isn't real. (link-goto: "'Let me out. Let me go.'","refuse")]]

(if: $progress <6)[It would be peaceful here, said his demeanour, said the air, said the earth. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}](else:)[His teeth were jewel-like, jagged, shining. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(if: $progress <6)[My mind yearned to sink into peacefulness and calm, far from the memory of pain. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}] (else:)[His tongue flickered like a snake's. I would be [[happy|endpage]] here.]

(if: $progress <6)[His hunger was infectious. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}](else:)[His face was a thin sheen of skin stretched tightly over glass. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(if: $progress <6)[The timbre of his speech resonated around and within. My skin ached; so did my teeth. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] (else:)[His voice rasped now, deep in his throat. My eyes stung. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

{(set: $atefruit to true)} (if: $progress <6)[It tasted of sugar - no, salt - no, earth - {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] (else:)[The crystalline fruit splintered into shards, spiking pain through my mouth. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(if: $progress <6)[I held it to his lips; he smiled and said it was not for his kind. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] (else:)[I held the crystalline fruit to his lips; when he bit, and the fruit splintered, the juice looked like bloodstains on his skin. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(if: $progress <6)[The flames were colder than I was used to, and illuminated the summer-house in which we sat. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}](else:)[His lips lightly cracked, and something else showed beneath. Was he made of this place, or was it made of him? {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(if: $progress <6)[I asked where we were; he said we were where I wanted to be. I asked who he was; he said he was who I wanted. And I didn't know if I wanted to admit it, but it was true. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] (else:)[His lips lightly cracked, showing something else beneath. I asked him what happened; he said it was what I wanted to happen. I asked him what he was planning; he said he was planning whatever I wanted. I did not know if I wanted to argue, but either way, I could not. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(set: $progress to it +1, $dirtfracture to true)Pain lashed across my back, but in the next moment pressure crushed all the ache out of me. The dust road felt like centuries away. [[stand]<stand| (click-replace: "?stand")[(link-goto: "my legs wouldn't move","dirtfracturestand")] [breathe]<breathe| (click-replace: "?breathe")[(link-goto: "the air tasted of gravel","dirtfracturebreathe")]]

(if: $progress <6)[(display: "present") He was tall, but he knelt. He pressed his lips against mine and my heart jolted back to life. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}] (else:)[He had appeared in my dream the night before; then, he dissipated into fragments of glass. Now, he was not quite solid. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|endpage]]]]}]

(if: $progress <6)[(display: "present") He was tall. He bent to take my hand. Electricity sparked my fingers back to life. {(align: "==>")[(css: "font-size: 200%;")[[[🝒|piece]]]]}](else:)[I recognised him, after a fashion, from the space right before being punched, or the first moment I tasted blood. He laid a hand on my back, and sensation [[returned|endpage]] with a jolt.]

First he was absent, and then present as though he had existed forever.

I took his hand, and it felt cold. [[grip]<grip| (click-replace: "?grip")[(link-goto: "I have been so lonely","griphand")] [bite]<bite| (click-replace: "?bite")[(link-goto: "He looks so hungry","bitehand")]]

I did not see his reaction; I did not see anything. The air tasted different again, of salt and blood, and the sky shone grey. As quickly as he arrived, he was gone. Pain wracked my body. [[stand]<stand| (click-replace: "?stand")[(link-goto: "I am clear, now","refstand")] [breathe]<breathe| (click-replace: "?breathe")[(link-goto: "the other place is fading","refbreathe")]]

His fingers splinter, cutting my skin. He tenses, and grips back. Has he been lonely, too? (display: "together")

When I bite the meat of his thumb, his skin splinters and cuts my mouth. He allows it a moment, then lightly touches my cheek. (display: "together")

<center>Together, we stand.</center> <center>(display: "sqDeparture")</center>

{(if: $atefruit is true)[I still taste the fruit's juice on my tongue. It stings a moment, and (display: "pain")] (else:)[I did not have words for the pain, but I could move.]} <center>Carefully, slowly, alone, I stand.</center> <center>(display: "sqDeparture")</center>

{(if: $atefruit is true)[Between the icy air and the fruit juice still clinging to my tongue, my mouth stings for a moment, but in the next breath (display: "pain")] (else:)[Cataloguing the hurt transforms it into something mundane. My breath is shallow at first, tentative, but with each inhalation it grows deeper.]} <center>Carefully, slowly, I allow my world to return.</center> <center>(display: "sqDeparture")</center>

the pain dissipates as though it never was. Do I feel his hand, brief and light, on my shoulder? <center>(display: "sqDeparture")</center>