<div id="interface" class="nofade">Welcome to Regulate Internal Error Management.
Please enter your username and password.
<input id="username" type="text" maxlength="20" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { link.click();}" autofocus>
<input id="password" type="text" maxlength="20" onfocus=" populatePassword()" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { link.click();}"/>
<button id="submitButton" class = "styledbutton login" onClick="link.click();" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { link.click();}">[[Login->Hub]]</button>
</div>
(display: "AboutLink")
<script>
// hack to prevent harlowe's transitions from jacking focus
var timeoutoverride = 808; // ~0.8 seconds
var focustimer = setTimeout(function() {
document.getElementById("username").focus();
}, timeoutoverride);
var usernameInput = document.querySelector('#username');
function populatePassword() {
document.getElementById("password").value = "********";
}
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
// remove anything that doesn't make sense in an email address
function sanitizeString(str) {
var newstr = str.replace(/[^a-z0-9áéíóúñü \,-]/gi, '').trim();
newstr = newstr.replace(/[\s,]/g, '')
return newstr;
}
link.onclick = function () {
var sanitized = sanitizeString(usernameInput.value);
if (sanitized == "") { sanitized = "contractor"; }
setHarloweVariable('username', sanitized);
checkTimeout();
};
</script>(unless: ((history:) contains "4999E"))[(set: $issuecount to 5005)]''5000 issues''
<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $4999priority</span>''Steps to reproduce the issue:''
Ship something that’s buggy as shit, apparently!
''Expected result:''
No professional organization would tolerate 5,000 open issues.
''Actual result:''
People //keep opening them!//
''Other information:''
Since our in-house QA apparently can't triage, we hired an outside reviewer. Everything up to #4999 is sorted. The freelancer will decide what's unimportant. That’s why we pay ‘em the big bucks! (Joke.)
---
<ul><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[4999]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[4999]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[4999]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[4999]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[4999], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[4999], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[4999], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">[[Return->Hub]]</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>
''Regulate my ass''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $dyn1priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. Men fall all around me. My workplace is littered with sexual casualties. My friends are walking dead. Of course I support women. But what if I’m next? Inside me could be pestilence. All I can do is plug myself against leaks.
2. Get ghosted. Then see the ghost unexpectedly, in her unghostlike flesh, snuggled against other flesh, laughing. Be around girls that night, retreating and recoiling, terrified of my pestilence-soaked chest.
3. Think a thought I think a lot: If I were a robot and not a man, that would solve problems. Not the world’s. But mine.
4. I’d had your implant installed for a month already, set on low. I only wanted to be a quarter cyborg. Now I want more.
5. The control panel has a slider for emotional intensity. I slid it to the left: the least intense impulses. There’s another slider for believable organic context. I slid that left too: practically unhuman. Then there’s a slider for frequency. I yanked that right, hard—I broke the stick—then jailbroke it to hack it even higher.
''Expected result:''
Everything went well. I didn’t have a feeling all day. To better play the part, I slathered myself in metallic cologne, some niche house making robot smell. The train up was humid and full of mosquitoes, and they lingered on everyone’s sweaty thighs but mine.
''Actual result:''
I find her in the bar and try to be a robot to her. She’s wearing a clingy silver sweater and singing “Barbara Ann.” It’s adorable. If I saw her like a human I’d have her on the table prone. If I saw her like a machine I wouldn’t be thinking any of this crud. Your device’s spamming me with impulses, but nothing else registers.
''Other information:''
And I’m getting so //many// impulses your implant’s making me fill out mental CAPTCHAs. How do I tell her I’m only staring because I’m looking for the ninth street sign?
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</span></div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params['dyn1']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn1']);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params['dyn1']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { assignPriority(params['dyn1']);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn1'], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn1'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn1'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>''More like Internet of Screwups''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $dyn2priority</span>''Steps to reproduce the issue:''
1. Pivot a bunch. We've got a wearable too, but it wasn't always like yours. First we said our product spot-tightened skin, till someone snitched to the FDA. Another one took people’s utterances and sprayed fragrance to match. But the keyword processing sucked. Always listening. Mega-literal. There was an incident with this Twitch star who said “fuck” a lot on-stream, so the room stank of musk and his mom barged in. Thought he had a girl over.
2. Every pivot ends at shopping. The new plan: keep the wearable chassis, but every time a user walks by a shopping experience, make it vibrate. Like a push notification for your FACE. It was brilliant, except for not selling.
3. So we thought, girls like jewelry, and we tacked our device onto some Alibaba earrings and made it a free gift with purchase. But people kept throwing them out. We tracked a whole bunch of them to this mall dumpster, rattling like a damn beehive.
4. Then I got it: we buy up your devices to sell with ours. You’ll be our loss leader—our salesmen'll tell kids they only work together. They talk to each other, like little goss bots. Go buy one. I’ve sold it to mall kiosks everywhere.
''Expected result:''
The devices aren’t actually supposed to interact with each other. That’s just the pitch.
''Actual result:''
But our device only works when yours is running. Most people turn your shit off half the day, right? It’s kind of our job to superserve unignorable sponsored experiences 25/8, and you're interfering.
''Other information:''
Trust me, you wanna fix this. You’ve heard about the retail apocalypse? We’re kicking apocalypse ass. We’re gonna save the mall, and you’re sold in malls. So really, we’re saving you.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</span></div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params['dyn2']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn2']);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params['dyn2']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { assignPriority(params['dyn2']);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn2'], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn2'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn2'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>(if: $revoked is true and ((random: 1,6)>3) or $issuecount < 4999)[(go-to:"FakeStreet")](if: $totalactions > 5)[(set: $emailmiddlesent to true)](if: $revoked is false and ($totalactions > 10 or $issuecount < 4999))[(go-to: "ImportantMessage")](enchant: "CRITICAL", (text-colour: red))(enchant:"High", (text-colour: #AA6600))(enchant:"Medium", (text-colour:#606000))(enchant:"Low",(text-colour: #008000))<div class="nofade">''Regulate Internal Error Management''<span class="small fakerule">Welcome, $username.</span></div><ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop issue big">''Open issues: $issuecount''</span></div>(if: $4999name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#4999: 5000 issues ->4999E]]</li><div class="details">Priority: ''$4999priority''</div>]<!-- here be a silly css trick
-->(if: (history:) contains "4999E" and $5000name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#5000: Intrusive thoughts of the Beach Boys->5000]]</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5000priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: (history:) contains "4999E" and $5001name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#5001: Just sever my neck.->5001]]</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5001priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: (history:) contains "4999E" and $5002name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#5002: Permanently lit from within->5002]]</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5002priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: (history:) contains "4999E" and $5003name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#5003: Poorly Served Power User->5003]]</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5003priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: (history:) contains "4999E" and $5004name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#5004: Inhuman moderation->5004]]</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5004priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: (history:) contains "4999E" and $5005name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">[[#5005: Value drift->5005]]</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5005priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: $5006name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">(print: '(link: "#5006: "+$5006desc)[(go-to: $5006name)]')</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5006priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: $5007name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">(print: '(link: "#5007: "+$5007desc)[(go-to: $5007name)]')</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5007priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: $5008name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">(print: '(link: "#5008: "+$5008desc)[(go-to: $5008name)]')</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5008priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: $5009name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">(print: '(link: "#5009: "+$5009desc)[(go-to: $5009name)]')</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5009priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: $5010name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">(print: '(link: "#5010: "+$5010desc)[(go-to: $5010name)]')</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5010priority''</div>]<!--
-->(if: $5011name is not false)[<li class="issuerow issue">(print: '(link: "#5011: "+$5011desc)[(go-to: $5011name)]')</li><div class="details priority">Priority: ''$5011priority''</div>]<!--
--></ul></div>
<div class="nofade">(display: "Emails")
<button id="submitButton" class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">[[Logout->intro]]</button></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("issue");
activateIssueAccordion("email");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="intro"]');
</script>''Just sever my neck.''
<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $5001priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. I work at a clothing store and my supervisor hates our sales. My numbers are pitiful. My attitude's hot garbage. So I thought maybe your implant could fix that.
2. It costs three days’ pay. But did you know you can get one installed at piercing kiosks? It’s cheaper—they just use the ear gun. You even get a free pair of dangle earrings, the ones with glass crystals down your neck.
3. You have to wear the earrings. The guy said it doesn’t work without it. He wanted me in a body chain too—“helps the signal”—but that cost extra.
''Expected result:''
My smiling face would sell bralettes.
''Actual result:''
The crystals vibrate every time I’m near a kiosk and there’s a sale. There’s a kiosk right outside our store, and every time I’m near the door my earrings start again, banging against my neck, flaking glass into my skin. Customers asked about the blood.
''Other information:''
I guess I could take them off, but my supervisor’ll fire me if my productivity doesn’t go up, and besides the blood it is. The piercing guy gave me a free choker to cover my neck, even fastened it for me, but I’ve gotta visit him every break to make sure it’s on right.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[5001]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5001]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[5001]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5001]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5001], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button class="styledbutton action" id='send' onClick="doEmail(true, params[5001], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5001], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>''Intrusive thoughts of the Beach Boys''
<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $5000priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. Be in a crowd with a crush. Think bad thoughts, like kissing them, or their hair reasserting itself into a fascist’s cut, or them swallowing you, life-first, and spitting out the bones. This step is consistently reproducible.
2. Your implant is supposed to regulate intrusive thoughts and impulses. Hence the name. Hence the stupid Warren G ad. So install it. Ask for calm impulses. Measured ones. Impulses without consequences. There’s a preset; I just used that.
3. Sit close and drink. Watch for three seconds as their face is washed over by amber light. I don’t know if the bug’s related to time of day.
4. Press your fingers against the underside of the table until it splinters your hand. With your free hand, press the skin where the implant is. Draw your torso forward and your eyes upward; resemble an ecstatic, touchable statue. Be conscious of the precise positions of your respective knees. Look anywhere but there.
''Expected result:''
A culmination. I’ll declutter my brain and I'll finally get up and I'll send the stool skittering and chop through the air and the crowd in one decisive welcomed movement right to his shoulder blade and
''Actual result:''
BAA BAA BAA
''Other information:''
Then I started singing. Why?
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[5000]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5000]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[5000]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5000]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5000], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5000], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5000], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>
''Permanently lit from within''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $5002priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. I’m a CIT at a historical wilderness camp. Their goal: to teach delinquent children Christian values via backbreaking outdoor work and immersion in a simulacrum of the long-lost manly past. Our prodigal sons lift themselves by their bootstraps: sweaty, leather, dead-animal bootstraps, authentically tanned in apocalyptic heat.
2. This is not my element. I’m agnostic. I'm soft, I'm neither straight nor rugged. But I can lift 100 pounds, grow a beard, and in suspenders I //look// like I could wrangle buffalo. I guess maybe it //is// my element. Because I have problems too.
3. Specifically, I have diagnosed clinical depression. I thought the camp job would help. It's spiritual. It's uplifting. It's the only paycheck I found.
4. But the staff seized my medication in their nightly contraband sweep. The camp doesn’t allow psychiatric drugs. They’re against their creed. Even worse, they’re anachronistic. Opiates are bad, but the 1800s //loved// them.
5. Reproduce this part in your imagination. Imagine lying on a stained cot with no sheets, with three spare cloth Bibles wrapped in a sweatshirt as a pillow. Imagine it’s pitch black except the frosty glow of contraband phones. Imagine coughing and faucets and masturbatory grunting. Imagine the air hot, draftless and fermented like a sauna. Imagine feeling months of work in every muscle. Imagine living through another night, then persuading other kids to.
6. CITs get one day off a week. Like rumspringa. Wandering the city, I saw your ad, sprinted to the library and had one FedExed to the nearest business to camp: a rundown Shoney’s. A day later, I snuck out and installed happy thoughts.
''Expected result:''
Your device is invisible. That’s its selling point—that’s //the// selling point.
''Actual result:''
At the next week's bible study, we studied Revelations. Halfway through the horsemen, out from my innards emanated an angry, anachronistic red light. I couldn't cover it up or stop it. A kid joked I was possessed.
''Other information:''
The staff heard, inevitably. They held meetings: come-to-Jesus interventions, Jesus-doesn’t-want-you-anymore interventions. They threw out the de-activator, too, even after I told them what it was. And they won't schedule me again until I'm 1800s-compliant.
Nights now feel mostly the same. Just with less pay, more anachronism, less sleep and less point.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[5002]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5002]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[5002]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5002]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5002], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5002], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5002], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
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''Poorly Served Power User''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $5003priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. I have a small startup of 200 people, who are disloyal. I’m a busy man. I can’t track every employee every second. Your value-add is to make them track themselves.
2. With a small amount of legalese, I mandate that employees install your implant upon onboarding. It's got perks: buying coffee, printing, entering the building. No one complains actionably.
3. Handily, there’s a preset to make every impulse positive and productive. I asked one of our engineers—junior, cute, hungry—to further customize it: whenever an impulse is generated, it's directed toward me. Be a rockstar employee? Do it for me. Free hugs? Freely hug me. Give a dollar to a panhandler? You instead give it to me. I also inserted some custom impulses, ones I deserve.
''Expected result:''
My employees do what I say.
''Actual result:''
I walk into the building and they’ve ordered me pizzas. Pizzas out of our budget, thousands, anchovy-onion, strewn before me in a path like goddamn lily pads. They're in the elevator too. They lurch with each stop, flying cheese-first onto my good shoes.
When I reach my floor the interns get the vapors, fainting in tandem into the anchovies. I push through to my office, and the marketing lead’s draped like a tablecloth over my desk. That part’s great. She pushes me down into my chair, pulls out a jar, and begins anointing my shoulders—weird, but going places.
Then the smell hits: blood, sweat, rotten milk, manure. Then the door bursts open: the office manager, dolled up and bearing cake. She drops the cake. I vomit out the window. Everyone watches. Phones sound tweets like a fanfare.
''Additional information:''
This has not been the most seamless of experiences. I think you know what that means.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[5003]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5003]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[5003]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5003]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5003], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5003], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5003], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
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''Inhuman moderation''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $5004priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. This is not about your implant. I don’t have that kind of money. This is about your Mechanical Turk moderation, where I read your user-generated impulses and mark them socially acceptable or not. Human impulses are graphic and terrifying. But they're how I pay my first-grader’s STEM camp tuition.
2. You pay pennies, and I only hit the 1099 threshold when I started running a bot. So download one off the Internet, I guess.
3. It took me a while to work the bot, but once I learned I'd just watch the little guy go: a tinier, better me. I take it everywhere now, but it requires constant babysitting. During church, pews could crush it, or the communion wine could spill, or the boxed coffee. At water aerobics, the other moms bring their kids, who splash ten times their height. In bed I must hide it from my husband. I can't let anything stop it from running.
''Expected result:''
I gave this work to the bot because it’s constant and mindless. No Seven Deadly Sins, no Seven Dirty Words. But is it mindless, really? Ten thousand impulses a day say “kiss”—which kisses are problems? Ten thousand more say “punch”—is that okay? Someone's inspired toward a whimsical sprite leap—down the aisle, during a funeral, onto the highway? The task instructions pointedly omit moral issues, but that is what this is. This is not work for humans but God. At the very least, if God clicked Yes, he’d let there be Yes.
''Actual result:''
If the bot approves or denies something horrible, I'd manually click to change it. But I can't anymore. The click doesn't register. Reverse psychology doesn't work—I've tried. My brain always defers to its pattern. I don't even know if it //is// a pattern. It could be random. It might be better if it is.
''Other information:''
My first-grader likes computers, so she looks over my shoulder every evening. She saw me say yes to strangling a second-grader. How do I explain?
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[5004]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5004]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[5004]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { assignPriority(params[5004]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5004], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5004],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5004],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>''Value drift''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $5005priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. When I’m alone, which is often, I read about recommendation algorithms. Every click constitutes a like, as does every purchase, every pageview. Enough likes can simulate a personality. When those likes are yours, that personality mirrors you, follows you, knows you better than you know yourself. Nobody will love me, not this well.
2. Purchase a companion mannequin. Customize it: body, voice, mannerisms. Sleep with a succession of people, capturing their motions and transferring over everything correct. You know how it goes. Leave the brain empty.
3. Fill the brainspace with all your downloaded data. If she loves what I love, she will love me too.
4. The first morning, she awoke me with kisses—then, better, with my own words. The next morning, she did the same. The morning following, the same. Imagine an infinite stretch of mornings, infinite iterations of the same caress and infinite identical conversations about the same things you like. You get bored.
5. Nothing specifies your implant only works on //people//-people. Mannequins have skin, and their brains come pre-malleable. So I gave her your implant and made it pull from every corpus of impulses, curating out anything unsavory. I ensured she wouldn't act on these impulses, just take them in. And I set limits. She'd deviate from me only within bounds.
6. I left her alone for 72 hours to absorb.
''Expected result:''
I’d fall in love again.
''Actual result:''
She’s out of control; I don't know her anymore. One day she talked for hours about Portuguese film, impenetrably enthusiastic. I waited until she closed her eyes, with the shiver grin she learned from me, and Googled her words. It was just Wikipedia.
The next day she was sparkling. She wanted to introduce me to the cutest composer in the world. My vision went to static. But I’d misheard: she meant the cutest //composter//. In a day she’d become enamored. She cooed over product details: solid, like a tank. Deep, elegant grooves, fit to grab. Not me; not anything like me.
''Other information:''
So I wiped her.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params[5005]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5005]);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params[5005]);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params[5005]);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5005], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5005], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5005], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
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(set: $sensitive to 1)''Please reactivate my son.''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $dyn3priority</span>''Steps to reproduce the issue:''
1. My son is a good kid. He just makes mistakes.
2. The night they took my son, I sped to Bev’s house. She wouldn’t speak to me, just pointed at these cops dragging my son’s arm. The cops and Bev trade accusations. He possessed alcohol. He possessed //her// alcohol. He broke her planter. He criminalized her daughter. He threw up on her patio. He jumped her gate. He half-jumped her gate and bloodied the stucco. He dangled there, stinking of grease and puke and fluids, and that’s who the cops found.
3. When your son's given the options of prison and wilderness camp, you only have one option. When you’ve heard things about camp, watched boys disappear from school and moms disappear from parties, indefinitely, you still have one option.
4. When you’re given the pamphlet—no phones, no computers, no letters home—you still only have one option. It’s Christian. It’s not jail. The ladies won’t read it on the police blotter. It won’t mean he’s dead. It’ll just feel like it.
5. A while ago I bought your implant for my diet, but its applicator uses needles, and I'm afraid. But as I watched Bev drag my unconscious son through the foyer like a trash bag, I got an idea. The applicator's small; the implant expands inside you. So I told the cops I needed a pen, went back to my car, and brought two: one with ink, one with the implant activator screwed into the shell. I hoisted my son up for a hug and, unseen, shot the implant into his bloodied arm, where it’d blend in.
6. The cops took my son into custody. I drove home alone, activated logs, and waited, sleepless. I first checked at 4:30 a.m.: no logs. 5:30: none. It wasn’t until noon that the first message arrived: an intense, organic impulse was sent, to punch a wall. I hoped my son didn't do it, but even if he did, it meant he'd come to. I slept at last, cradling the applicator like a bassinet.
7. That's the only part you need to reproduce. I just need you to understand my son is a good kid.
''Expected result:''
I knew I couldn't hear from my son, couldn't know about his life. But every half-hour I’d read the logs of what his life ''might'' be: campfire prayer, sneaky kissing, contraband and pranks. The more logs I read, the less I wanted him to do any of it. But even the worst logs, when they arrived, meant he was OK.
''Actual result:'' But one day, they stopped.
''Other information:''
They don’t have a phone number. It’s some historical thing. The address I finally found is halfway across the country.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params['dyn3']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn3']);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params['dyn3']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { assignPriority(params['dyn3']);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn3'], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn3'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn3'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
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<script>
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</script>(set: $sensitive to 1)''Malware injection''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $dyn4priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. My boss stuck an implant in my arm that made me continually think about him. He also did something else. I doubt it’s hard to reproduce.
2. Tell HR; get fired. Sign for severance: no disparagement, no disclosure, no unauthorized implant removal. Remove it anyway, first chance: at dinner, with a steak knife. Cauterize with silver nitrate. The sting will make you think about it.
3. Sleep all next day, then get yourself out there: a concert soiree. Sit through a novelty instrument virtuoso; crunch dressingless brassicas. He performs in 3D; refuse the glasses out of misdirected Ludditism. Instead, watch the couples around you. Look past the empty chair and unpaid bills while candlelight reflects off your skirt. Think about it.
4. Walk home alone. Pause atop an overpass, watching bedroom lights flicker out in row-houses below. Check Tinder: a man’s sent you a quote by “Bauldlaire. Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.” Go home with him anyway. Replicate this however you want; you'll still think about it.
5. Factory-reset the implant the morning after. Delete the root directory. Bash your arm with magnets. Nothing helps.
6. Fight tech with tech: buy a new implant with your severance check, stick it in your good arm, and set freedom from distractions to -1. (You forgot to bar negatives.) Take in every distracting impulse at once. Burn with content, like a furnace. Use -2. Use infinity. Use minus infinity. Use bad scripts.
''Expected result:''
Logic implies this would be gone.
''Actual result:''
It isn’t.
''Other information:''
Clearly there are routines left behind from uninstall. But where?
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params['dyn4']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn4']);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params['dyn4']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { assignPriority(params['dyn4']);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn4'], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn4'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn4'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
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<script>
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</script>(set: $sensitive to 1)''Expected productivity, got bloodthirst''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $dyn5priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. I got fired and can only get rehired for Mechanical Turk shit. For the past month I’ve been adding to your device's impulse pool. I make a quarter each. Two quarters if the impulse is unique to the database. But I get distracted. Guys’re making a hundo a day but I can’t even break $10.
2. I get an idea. If I generate a bunch of hyperproductivity impulses and stuff them in me, I can make a feedback loop and make actual money. But there’s a problem. I don’t know what company you are. The project’s named for a Final Fantasy boss.
3. So I’ve gotta trace my impulses, make them specific and newsworthy, to get fifty cents and information. Violence is pretty good for this. The more gore, the more I get.
4. It took a month but I got a breakthrough: Underskin Wearable Causes Raleigh Man’s Death. He ODed at some wilderness camp; the logs showed each drug I mentioned, every Carlin quote I wrote. They didn’t name the manufacturer, but the next day a lady in Palo Alto shoots up her office in nothing but my specific wig and mask and heels, the media disemboweled the tech out of her, and now I know it’s you.
5. I pool all my quarters to buy your thing, dump it in my brain, request productivity impulses, create productivity impulses, and wait.
''Expected result:''
Productivity.
''Actual result:''
Distractions. Things snap in my brain. A minute ago I imagined slashing someone. The minute before that, it was fishing rope.
''Other information:''
The minute before that I made some bacon ramen. Couldn’t ignore the craving. And an hour ago I’d written in the recipe: habanero sauce, Mrs. Butterworths, fried onions. Two quarters. That means it’s working, right?
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params['dyn5']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn5']);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params['dyn5']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn5']);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn5'], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn5'], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn5'], ''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
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<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>''Catastrophic data loss''<span class="tiny fakerule">Priority: $dyn6priority</span>''Steps to reproduce:''
1. I liked things. One morning I liked slow-cooker recipes. Another, menswear photoshoots. Most evenings I liked the same crowdsourced advice thread I’ve liked 23 times before. For twenty minutes each day I liked the fifth track of the Fiona Apple album whose title’s too long to remember. I liked pornography but only between the hours of 4 and 5 a.m. before I wiped away the evidence I liked it.
2. I also liked a woman. We liked the same things. She was an extension of me, and I her, infinitely likable together.
3. Gradually, I started to like everything. Broccoli salads. The dust off fresh-chopped wood. Glitzy earrings, grimy fragrances, fancy ramen. Every minute brought something new to like.
''Expected result:''
I'd like everything, eventually.
''Actual result:''
I liked, past tense. Then suddenly I liked nothing. Do you know how it feels to like nothing? To look at everything around you and realize you do not endorse any of it, nor dis-endorse it, nor have any thoughts on it at all. To look at her with no context, just a vague sense of something torn out.
''Other information:''
I read this URL off her computer. Then I found the box for this implant by her bedside. I have no preferences, but I have deductive skills.
---
<ul><div class="nofade"><li class="issuetop options">''Options''</div><li class="issuerow options">''Close with reason:'' </li><div class="small actions"><input type="radio" name="close" id="notabug" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Not a bug <input type="radio" name="close" id="unresolvable" onclick="enableButton('close');">Unresolvable <input type="radio" name="close" id="other" onclick="enableButton('close');"> Other: <input type="text" class="bigfield" maxlength="300"><button class="styledbutton action spaced" id="close" onClick="closeIssue(params['dyn6']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { closeIssue(params['dyn6']);}" disabled>''Close''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options">''Assign priority:''</li><div class="small actions" id='prioritymsg'> <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Low" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Low <input type="radio" name="priority" value="Medium" onclick="enableButton('assign');">Medium <input type="radio" name="priority" value="High" onclick="enableButton('assign');">High <input type="radio" name="priority" value="CRITICAL" onclick="enableButton('assign');">CRITICAL<button class="styledbutton action spaced" id='assign' onClick="assignPriority(params['dyn6']);" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { assignPriority(params['dyn6']);}" disabled>''Assign''</button></div><!--
--!><li class="issuerow options entice">''Contact user:''</li><div class="small actions" id='sentmsg'><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('email'); enableButton('send');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn6'], '');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn6'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn6'],''); killTextArea('sentmsg','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div><!--
--!></ul>
<div class="nofade"><button class="styledbutton login" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">''[[Return->Hub]]''</button></div></div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("options");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>(set: $personalseen to true)<li class="issuerow email">''$email49992subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' durstw
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email49992time
Why are you using your personal email? You're only authorized to use the shared QA account. If you don't want everyone reading your email, then don't send personal emails. Or hey, if you want to lose your contract, do.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg49992"><span id='email49992fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id='qa49992' onclick="enableButton('email49992'); enableButton('send49992');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal49992" onclick="enableButton('email49992'); enableButton('send49992');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email49992' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[4999], '49992');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send49992' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[4999], '49992'); killTextArea('sentmsg49992','Sent.'); $(document).ready();" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[4999], '49992'); killTextArea('sentmsg49992','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50001subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' marielaurei@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50001time
I don’t know how to tell you to reproduce the thought of your crush being a fascist. Generally it happens on its own.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50001"><span id='email50001fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50001" onclick="enableButton('email50001'); enableButton('send50001');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50001" onclick="enableButton('email50001'); enableButton('send50001');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50001' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5000], '50001');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50001' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5000], '50001'); killTextArea('sentmsg50001','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5000], '50001'); killTextArea('sentmsg50001','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50011subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' sophiaaaasdf@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50011time
How is it not authorized? They had your logo and everything. And like, even if it’s not authorized, can’t you still fix it? I didn't write this in public in case my insurance finds out, but I'm anemic. I passed out on the sales floor today.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50011"><span id='email50011fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50011" onclick="enableButton('email50011'); enableButton('send50011');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50011" onclick="enableButton('email50011'); enableButton('send50011');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50011' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5001],'50011');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50011' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5001],'50011'); killTextArea('sentmsg50011','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5001],'50011'); killTextArea('sentmsg50011','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--(set: $sensitive to 1)<li class="issuerow email">''$email50021subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' anthrios89@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50021time
I can't hit the reset button. They confiscated the control stick. I’ve got a safe full of 19th-century jackknives if you want me to do that.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50021"><span id='email50021fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50021" onclick="enableButton('email50021'); enableButton('send50021');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50021" onclick="enableButton('email50021'); enableButton('send50021');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50021' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5002],'50021');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50021' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5002], '50021'); killTextArea('sentmsg50021','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5002], '50021'); killTextArea('sentmsg50021','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--
<li class="issuerow email">''$email50031subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' greg@bovis.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50031time
The hell you need my logs for? They're useless. They match exactly what I said happened, just with pointless detail. I know what the manure's called, in case I want to buy some!
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50031"><span id='email50031fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50031" onclick="enableButton('email50031'); enableButton('send50031');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50031" onclick="enableButton('email50031'); enableButton('send50031');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50031' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5003],'50031');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50031' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5003],'50031'); killTextArea('sentmsg50031','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5003],'50031'); killTextArea('sentmsg50031','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50041subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' cathleen.wing@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50041time
I know you don't make the bots and they're against the rules, but you’ve got to expect people will use them. You pay so little. Shouldn't there be oversight? What if something horrible happened?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50041"><span id='email50041fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50041" onclick="enableButton('email50041'); enableButton('send50041');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50041" onclick="enableButton('email50041'); enableButton('send50041');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50041' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5004],'50041');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50041' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5004],'50041'); killTextArea('sentmsg50041','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5004],'50041'); killTextArea('sentmsg50041','Sent.');}" disabled>Send</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50051subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' anddeeperunderstanding@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50051time
I manually wiped her. Uninstallers like yours are notorious for leaving behind file cruft. I didn’t want anything left behind.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50051"><span id='email50051fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50051" onclick="enableButton('email50051'); enableButton('send50051');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50051" onclick="enableButton('email50051'); enableButton('send50051');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50051' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5005],'50051');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50051' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5005],'50051'); killTextArea('sentmsg50051','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5005],'50051'); killTextArea('sentmsg50051','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn1subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' thegradynator@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn11time
Yeah, I jailbroke it to make the sliders go farther. But the CAPTCHA thing, that’s a bug. I underlined twenty lampposts just to write this email.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn11"><span id='emaildyn11fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn11" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn11'); enableButton('senddyn11');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn11" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn11'); enableButton('senddyn11');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn11' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn1'],'dyn11');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn11' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn1'],'dyn11'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn11','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn1'],'dyn11'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn11','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn2subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' walker@boom.io
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn21time
I can’t give your engineers our code. The bug's definitely on your end, bro.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn21"><span id='emaildyn21fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn21" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn21'); enableButton('senddyn21');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn21" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn21'); enableButton('senddyn21');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn21' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn2'],'dyn21');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn21' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn2'],'dyn21'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn21','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn2'],'dyn21'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn21','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn3subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' wanda091559@yahoo.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn31time
Yes, I’ve turned it off and back on.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn31"><span id='emaildyn31fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn31" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn31'); enableButton('senddyn31');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn31" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn31'); enableButton('senddyn31');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn31' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn3'],'dyn31');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn31' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn3'],'dyn31'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn31','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn3'],'dyn31'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn31','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn5subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' gravelordleo@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn51time
Yeah, I got the settings right. Even started writing violent //and// productive impulses, like mashing the keyboard with claw hammers. But the impulse I got wasn't for keys.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn51"><span id='emaildyn51fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn51" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn51'); enableButton('senddyn51');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn51" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn51'); enableButton('senddyn51');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn51' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn5'],'dyn51');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn51' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn5'],'dyn51'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn51','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn5'],'dyn51'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn51','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn4subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' alaina.fetzer@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn41time
I don't have access to a proper uninstall. It's all in his office. Logistics, you know.
Is that really what you took away from this?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn41"><span id='emaildyn41fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn41" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn41'); enableButton('senddyn41');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn41" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn41'); enableButton('senddyn41');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn41' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn4'],'dyn41');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn41' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn4'],'dyn41'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn41','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn4'],'dyn41'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn41','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<ul><li class="issuetop email small">''Messages''</li>(if:$revoked is true)[(display:"EmailEnd")](if: $emailmiddlesent is not false)[(display:"EmailMiddle")](if: $email0sent is false)[(set: $email0sent to (current-time: ))]<li class="issuerow email">''onboarding''</li><div class="small actions">''From: ''lachlanr
''Cc:'' durstw
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email0sent
Hello, $username. You have been granted temporary authorization to process issues in Regulate's tracking client.
NOTE: Your permissions allow you to contact issue creators for more information, but please do so only if absolutely necessary. All emails are tracked. Replies will be sent to this shared QA inbox.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg49990"><span id='email49990fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa49990" onclick="enableButton('email49990'); enableButton('send49990');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal49990" onclick="enableButton('email49990'); enableButton('send49990');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email49990' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[4999], '49990');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send49990' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[4999], '49990'); killTextArea('sentmsg49990','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[4999], '49990'); killTextArea('sentmsg49990','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--
--!></li>(if: $email1name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email1name+'\")')](if: $email2name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email2name+'\")')](if: $email3name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email3name+'\")')](if: $email4name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email4name+'\")')](if: $email5name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email5name+'\")')](if: $email6name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email6name+'\")')](if: $email7name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email7name+'\")')](if: $email8name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email8name+'\")')](if: $email9name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email9name+'\")')](if: $email10name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email10name+'\")')](if: $email11name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email11name+'\")')](if: $email12name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email12name+'\")')](if: $email13name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email13name+'\")')](if: $email14name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email14name+'\")')](if: $email15name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email15name+'\")')](if: $email16name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email16name+'\")')](if: $email17name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email17name+'\")')](if: $email18name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email18name+'\")')](if: $email19name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email19name+'\")')](if: $email20name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email20name+'\")')](if: $email21name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email21name+'\")')](if: $email22name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email22name+'\")')](if: $email23name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email23name+'\")')](if: $email24name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email24name+'\")')](if: $email25name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email25name+'\")')](if: $email26name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email26name+'\")')](if: $email27name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email27name+'\")')](if: $email28name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email28name+'\")')](if: $email29name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email29name+'\")')](if: $email30name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email30name+'\")')](if: $email31name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email31name+'\")')](if: $email32name is not false)[(print: '(display: \"'+$email32name+'\")')]</ul>
(set: $testvar to false)(set: $4999name to true, $5006name to false, $5006desc to false, $5007name to false, $5007desc to false, $5008name to false, $5008desc to false, $5009name to false, $5009desc to false, $5010name to false, $5010desc to false, $5011name to false, $5012name to false)(set: $5006priority to "Unassigned", $5007priority to "Unassigned", $5008priority to "Unassigned", $5009priority to "Unassigned", $5010priority to "Unassigned", $50011priority to "Unassigned",$dyn1priority to "Unassigned",$dyn2priority to "Unassigned",$dyn3priority to "Unassigned", $dyn4priority to "Unassigned", $dyn5priority to "Unassigned",$dyn6priority to "Unassigned")(set: $email1name to false, $email2name to false, $email3name to false, $email4name to false, $email5name to false, $email6name to false, $email7name to false, $email8name to false, $email9name to false, $email10name to false, $email11name to false, $email12name to false, $email13name to false, $email14name to false, $email15name to false, $email16name to false, $email17name to false, $email18name to false, $email19name to false, $email20name to false, $email21name to false, $email22name to false, $email23name to false, $email24name to false, $email25name to false, $email26name to false, $email27name to false, $email28name to false, $email29name to false, $email30name to false, $email31name to false, $email32name to false)(set: $email49991subj to "clarification", $email49992subj to "personal email", $email49993subj to "Re: Person in danger", $email50001subj to "Re: #5000", $email50002subj to "Re: #5000", $email50003subj to "Re: Re: #5000", $email50011subj to "Re: #5001", $email50012subj to "Re: #5001", $email50013subj to "Re: Re: #5001", $email50021subj to "Re: #5002", $email50022subj to "Re: #5002", $email50023subj to "Re: Re: #5002", $email50031subj to "Re: #5003", $email50032subj to "Re: #5003", $email50033subj to "Re: Re: #5003", $email50041subj to "Re: #5004", $email50042subj to "Re: #5004", $email50043subj to "Re: Re: #5004", $email50051subj to "Re: #5005", $email50052subj to "Re: #5005", $email50053subj to "Re: Re: #5005")(set: $emaildyn1subj to false, $emaildyn2subj to false, $emaildyn3subj to false, $emaildyn4subj to false, $emaildyn5subj to false, $emaildyn5subj to false)(set: $email0sent to false, $email49991time to false, $email49992time to false, $email49993time to false, $email50001time to false, $email50002time to false, $email50003time to false, $email50011time to false, $email50012time to false, $email50013time to false, $email50021time to false, $email50022time to false, $email50023time to false, $email50031time to false, $email50032time to false, $email50033time to false, $email50041time to false, $email50042time to false, $email50043time to false, $email50051time to false, $email50052time to false, $email50053time to false, $emaildyn11time to false, $emaildyn12time to false, $emaildyn21time to false, $emaildyn22time to false, $emaildyn31time to false, $emaildyn32time to false, $emaildyn41time to false, $emaildyn42time to false, $emaildyn51time to false, $emaildyn52time to false, $emaildyn61time to false, $emaildyn62time to false,)(set: $4999priority to "Unassigned", $5000priority to "Unassigned", $5001priority to "Unassigned", $5001priority to "Unassigned", $5002priority to "Unassigned", $5003priority to "Unassigned", $5004priority to "Unassigned", $5005priority to "Unassigned", $5006priority to "Unassigned", $5007priority to "Unassigned", $5008priority to "Unassigned", $5009priority to "Unassigned", $5010priority to "Unassigned", $5011priority to "Unassigned")(set: $emailmiddletime to false, $emailmiddlemessage to false, $emailmiddlesent to false)(set: $issuecount to 4999, $personalemailcount to 0, $totalpriority to 0, $totalactions to 0, $totalemails to 0, $sensitive to 0, $revoked to false, $personalseen to false)<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn6subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' adeeperunderstanding@gmail.com
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn61time
OK, I’ll press that. Can you tell me what it does?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn61"><span id='emaildyn61fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn61" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn61'); enableButton('senddyn61');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn61" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn61'); enableButton('senddyn61');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn61' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn6'],'dyn61');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn61' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn6'],'dyn61'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn61','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn6'],'dyn61'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn61','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''Moving forward''</li><div class="small actions">''From: ''lachlanr
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' (current-time: )
Hello, $username. Your authorization for Regulate's issue tracker has been updated:
''$firedreason''
You will be automatically logged out momentarily. Further use or communications via the console are prohibited.
This email may not be replied to. </div></li><!--
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("email");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script><li class="issuerow email">''$email49991subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' durstw
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email49991time
Your job is to get us under 5000 issues unless something is super-duper-showcrashingly-priority. What's a priority? Well, that's why we hired a human, right?</li>
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg49991"><span id='email49991fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa49991" onclick="enableButton('email49991'); enableButton('send49991');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal49991" onclick="enableButton('email49991'); enableButton('send49991');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email49991' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[4999], '49991');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send49991' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[4999], '49991'); killTextArea('sentmsg49991','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[4999], '49991'); killTextArea('sentmsg49991','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50002subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' marielaurei@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50002time
Thanks for listening. But I can't go easy on myself. The implant is still running. I am currently holding a cigarette, imagining stabbing things with the burning end. I don't smoke. Nor have I stabbed anyone. And I //don't// go easy on myself.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50002"><span id='email50002fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50002" onclick="enableButton('email50002'); enableButton('send50002');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50002" onclick="enableButton('email50002'); enableButton('send50002');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50002' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5000], '50002');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50002' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5000],'50002'); killTextArea('sentmsg50002','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5000], '50002'); killTextArea('sentmsg50002','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50012subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' sophiaaaasdf@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50012time
I can’t avoid him unless I stop working here. Which I guess is going to happen anyway.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50012"><span id='email50012fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50012" onclick="enableButton('email50012'); enableButton('send50012');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50012" onclick="enableButton('email50012'); enableButton('send50012');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50012' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5001],'50012');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50012' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5001],'50012'); killTextArea('sentmsg50012','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5001],'50012'); killTextArea('sentmsg50012','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50013subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' sophiaaaasdf@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50013time
No offense, but that guy's full of shit. I don't feel like myself with the earrings on. Which is the goal.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50013"><span id='email50013fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50013" onclick="enableButton('email50013'); enableButton('send50013');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50013" onclick="enableButton('email50013'); enableButton('send50013');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50013' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5001],'50013');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50013' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5001],'50013'); killTextArea('sentmsg50013','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5001],'50013'); killTextArea('sentmsg50013','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--(set: $sensitive to 1)<li class="issuerow email">''$email50022subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' anthrios89@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50022time
Thank you for listening. So many don't. One of the kids recommended a sliding-scale shrink, but she didn’t understand.
For example: I shot my implant into my groin, figuring I wouldn't need it anymore. When the kids thought I wasn't around, they'd aim contraband laser pointers at each other’s crotches shouting “Activating!” The therapist laughed.
Is it OK to email you again?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50022"><span id='email50022fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50022" onclick="enableButton('email50022'); enableButton('send50022');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50022" onclick="enableButton('email50022'); enableButton('send50022');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50022' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5002],'50022');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50022' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5002],'50022'); killTextArea('sentmsg50022','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5002],'50022'); killTextArea('sentmsg50022','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--
(set: $sensitive to 1)<li class="issuerow email">''$email50023subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' anthrios89@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50023time
Just wondering... How'd they get it out of him?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50023"><span id='email50023fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50023" onclick="enableButton('email50023'); enableButton('send50023');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50023" onclick="enableButton('email50023'); enableButton('send50023');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50023' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5002],'50023');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50023' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5002],'50023'); killTextArea('sentmsg50023','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5002],'50023'); killTextArea('sentmsg50023','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--(set: $sensitive to 1)<li class="issuerow email">''$email50032subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' greg@bovis.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50032time
Thing is, unsupervised employees are dangerous. Down the street a colleague's office got shot up. Can you blame me for taking precautions?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50032"><span id='email50032fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50032" onclick="enableButton('email50032'); enableButton('send50032');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50032" onclick="enableButton('email50032'); enableButton('send50032');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50032' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5003],'50032');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50032' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5003],'50032'); killTextArea('sentmsg50032','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5003],'50032'); killTextArea('sentmsg50032','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--(set: $sensitive to 1)<li class="issuerow email">''$email50033subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' greg@bovis.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50033time
I let her go. She got mad. The rest is defamatory. How'd you like a world of legal hurt?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50033"><span id='email50033fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50033" onclick="enableButton('email50033'); enableButton('send50033');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50033" onclick="enableButton('email50033'); enableButton('send50033');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50033' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5003],'50033');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50033' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5003],'50033'); killTextArea('sentmsg50033','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5003],'50033'); killTextArea('sentmsg50033','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn1subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' thegradynator@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn12time
I didn’t do anything. I //couldn’t// have. Ever tried groping someone while reciting fifty street names? (That’s rhetorical. Don’t lawyer me.)
And like, I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but she can’t like me. She’s known me for years.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn12"><span id='emaildyn12fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn12" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn12'); enableButton('senddyn12');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn12" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn12'); enableButton('senddyn12');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn12' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn1'],'dyn12');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn12' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn1'],'dyn12'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn12','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn1'],'dyn12'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn12','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn5subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' gravelordleo@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn52time
Tell that to a jury. She's the one who shot them cause someone else can't click straight. Why don't you disable their accounts instead? Takes a second.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn52"><span id='emaildyn52fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn52" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn52'); enableButton('senddyn52');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn52" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn52'); enableButton('senddyn52');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn52' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn5'],'dyn52');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn52' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn5'],'dyn52'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn52','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn5'],'dyn52'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn52','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50003subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' marielaurei@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50003time
I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but he doesn’t like me. He liked the singing. And it isn’t always singing. Last night, he'd gone outside for a cigarette. I was seized by a sudden hatred for smoking and an urge to follow him, grab it out of his mouth, throw it in his face and fight. I couldn't think of anything else: him spitting smoke, me tracking soot through his eyeballs. I had to grip my chair to stay seated.
But this didn’t come from me. It couldn’t have. He knows I smoke -- we've smoked together, even. I’m smoking right now. It kills brain cells.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50003"><span id='email50003fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50003" onclick="enableButton('email50003'); enableButton('send50003');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50003" onclick="enableButton('email50003'); enableButton('send50003');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50003' onkeyup="fadeEmail(false, false, '50003');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50003' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(false,false,'50003'); killTextArea('sentmsg50003','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(false,false,'50003'); killTextArea('sentmsg50003','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50053subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' anddeeperunderstanding@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50053time
What was I supposed to do? I designed her as a person with a point; the point of her was me. What's her point now?
I guess... does she still think of me? You have remote wipe. I don't mean to be demanding, just....
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50053"><span id='email50053fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50053" onclick="enableButton('email50053'); enableButton('send50053');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50053" onclick="enableButton('email50053'); enableButton('send50053');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50053' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5005],'50053');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50053' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5005],'50053'); killTextArea('sentmsg50053','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5005],'50053'); killTextArea('sentmsg50053','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn3subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' wanda091559@yahoo.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn32time
Thanks for listening. No one else does.
Is there anything else you can tell me? Anything. So I can know.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn32"><span id='emaildyn32fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn32'); enableButton('senddyn32');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn32'); enableButton('senddyn32');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn32' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn3'],'dyn32');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn32' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn3'],'dyn32'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn32','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn3'],'dyn32'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn32','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn6subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' adeeperunderstanding@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn62time
I guess I can try to like those things. After all, every hour there's something new. Will I need the implant forever?
Either way... I hope I can say thanks.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn62"><span id='emaildyn62fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn62" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn62'); enableButton('senddyn62');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn62" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn62'); enableButton('senddyn62');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn62' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn6'],'dyn62');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn62' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn6'],'dyn62'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn62','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn6'],'dyn62'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn62','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn2subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' walker@boom.io
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn22time
OK, look:
A of all, I work for your competitor. Big whoop. We’re your buddy. We buy your stuff and get you sales. Fix this and you’ll get even more sales. You’ll feed off us like a tapeworm. Who’s also our buddy.
2, she’s selling rompers, she can’t afford to sue us. Is anemia even real?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn22"><span id='emaildyn22fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn22" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn22'); enableButton('senddyn22');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn22" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn22'); enableButton('senddyn22');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn22' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn2'],'dyn22');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn22' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn2'],'dyn22'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn22','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn2'],'dyn22'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn22','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$emaildyn4subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' alaina.fetzer@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emaildyn42time
It isn’t weird. Thanks.
I guess you want to know the backstory. A junior engineer forwarded his request to the women in the office, and they reworked his code to troll him. Just some of the women, though. I only found out when I saw the Slack chat on someone's screen.
My turn to be weird, I guess... could we stay in touch?
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsgdyn42"><span id='emaildyn42fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qadyn42" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn11'); enableButton('senddyn42');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personaldyn42" onclick="enableButton('emaildyn42'); enableButton('senddyn42');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='emaildyn42' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params['dyn4'],'dyn42');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='senddyn42' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params['dyn4'],'dyn42'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn42','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params['dyn4'],'dyn42'); killTextArea('sentmsgdyn42','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50042subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' cathleen.wing@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50042time
Thank you for listening. I wish I could go back to manually approving impulses, but the difference between $600 and $300 adds up to the difference between my first-grader’s college and my first-grader’s unemployment. She's so bright. Every day she asks me what something means.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50042"><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50042" onclick="enableButton('email50042'); enableButton('send50042');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50042" onclick="enableButton('email50042'); enableButton('send50042');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50042' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5004],'50042');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50042' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5004],'50042'); killTextArea('sentmsg50042','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5004],'50042'); killTextArea('sentmsg50042','Sent.');}" disabled>Send</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50043subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' cathleen.wing@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50043time
I saw that on the news... I promised myself I'd stop before things got bad, I just... didn’t make the connection.
Is this my fault? Please be honest.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50043"><span id='emailfade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50043" onclick="enableButton('email50043'); enableButton('send50043');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50043" onclick="enableButton('email50043'); enableButton('send50043');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50043' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5004],'50043');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50043' onClick="doEmail(true, params[5004],'50043'); killTextArea('sentmsg50043','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5004],'50043'); killTextArea('sentmsg50043','Sent.');}" disabled>Send</button></span></div></div><!--<li class="issuerow email">''$email50052subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' anddeeperunderstanding@gmail.com
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email50052time
I know I shouldn’t be getting so personal in a bug report. But what choice do I have? Email an agony aunt? She'd see that. It'd be more data down the pipeline: me, dumped for manure.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg50052"><span id='email50052fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id="qa50052" onclick="enableButton('email50052'); enableButton('send50052');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal50052" onclick="enableButton('email50052'); enableButton('send50052');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email50052' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[5005],'50052');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send50052' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[5005],'50052'); killTextArea('sentmsg50052','Sent.');" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[5005],'50052'); killTextArea('sentmsg50052','Sent.');}" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--(if: $emailmiddletime is false)[(set: $emailmiddletime to (current-time: ))(if: $emailmiddlemessage is false and $personalemailcount > 3)[(set: $emailmiddlemessage to "Personal email is unauthorized; if you continue using your personal account, tracker access may be revoked.")](else-if: $emailmiddlemessage is false and $totalpriority > 6)[(set: $emailmiddlemessage to "We've noticed a lot of high-priority issses. Is everything really that important?")](else-if: $emailmiddlemessage is false and $issuecount > 5005)[(set: $emailmiddlemessage to "We really want to get under 5000 issues. Could you triage more?")](else:)[(set: $emailmiddlemessage to "Keep up the good work. Management's on us about our issue count.")]]<li class="issuerow email">''Important: Your progress''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' durstw
''To:'' qa@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $emailmiddletime
Thanks for your work so far. Quick reminder: $emailmiddlemessage
This email may not be replied to.</div><!--
Access revoked.
<div id="interface" class="nofade">
Welcome to Regulate Internal Error Management.
Please enter your username and password.
<input id="username" type="text" maxlength="20">
<input id="password" type="text" maxlength="20">
<button id="submitButton">Login</button>
</div>
[[Credits]]
(link:"Restart")[(reload:)]
<iframe src="/html/departureContent.html" style="width:80px;height:80px;padding:0;margin:0;display:block;border:none;overflow:hidden;"></iframe>//Human Errors// is a work of interactive fiction developed by Katherine Morayati. Her other works include //(link: "Take")[(gotoURL: "https://katherinestasaph.itch.io/take")]// and //(link: "Laid Off From the Synesthesia Factory")[(gotoURL: "https://katherinestasaph.itch.io/synfac")]//.
//Human Errors// was developed with JavaScript and Twine, created by Chris Klimas, using the Harlowe engine, maintained by Leon Arnott.
Thanks to:
- furkle, for testing and Harlowe-to-JavaScript assistance.
- Sam Ashwell, Peter Berman, Astrid Dalmady, Bruno Dias, Brendan Patrick Hennessy, Joey Jones, juxi, Cat Manning, and Jack Welch for testing.
(if: (history:) contains "FakeStreet")[(link:"Restart")[(reload:)]]
(else:)[(link:"Back")[(go-to: "intro")]]
<script>
checkTimeout();
</script><li class="issuerow email">''$email49993subj''</li><div class="small actions">''From:'' durstw
''To:'' $username.temp@regulate.com
''Sent:'' $email49993time
I know you're concerned or whatever, but we can't take on legal liability. You're not a mandatory reporter. You close issues.
---
''Reply:''
<div id="sentmsg49993"><span id='email49993fade'>Use account: <input type="radio" name="contact" id='qa49993' onclick="enableButton('email49993'); enableButton('send49993');"> //qa@regulate.com// <input type="radio" name="contact" id="personal49993" onclick="enableButton('email49993'); enableButton('send49993');">//$username.temp@regulate.com//
<textarea id='email49993' onkeyup="fadeEmail(true, params[4999], '49993');" disabled></textarea>
<button id='send49993' class="styledbutton action" onClick="doEmail(true, params[4999], '49993'); killTextArea('sentmsg49993','Sent.'); $(document).ready();" onKeyPress="if(checkSubmit(event)) { doEmail(true, params[4999], '49993'); killTextArea('sentmsg49993','Sent.'); }" disabled>''Send''</button></span></div></div><!--<div class="tiny nofade">[[About|Credits]]</div>(set: $revoked to true)(if: $personalemailcount > 5)[(set: $firedreason to "Authorization revoked: Unauthorized use of personal email.")](else-if: $issuecount > 5004)[(set: $firedreason to "Authorization revoked: Insufficient issue triage.")](else-if: $totalpriority > 10)[(set: $firedreason to "Authorization revoked: Over-prioritizing issues.")](else-if: $issuecount > 5002)[(set: $firedreason to "Thanks for your time. So you know, we're taking our reviewing in-house, to triage more. We wish you well.")](else:)[(set: $firedreason to "Thanks for your hard work! We'll be in touch if we need you again.")]<div class="nofade">(text-colour: #FF0000)[''You've received an important message, $username:'']<ul>(display:"EmailEnd")</ul>
<button id="submitButton" class="styledbutton action" onKeyPress="return checkSubmit(event, link)" onClick="link.click();">[[Acknowledge->Hub]]</button></div></div>
</div>
<script>
activateIssueAccordion("email");
var link = document.querySelector('tw-link[passage-name="Hub"]');
</script>