Scripting Diplomacy

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It's my first solo diplomatic mission and first time working with extraterrestrials not already socialized with humans. I've read up on the Yrin and their sister species, the Hzzzzgort. I know some basic words in each language (though it takes a medieval tongue compressor to pronounce the latter), basic gestures, and basic etiquette. At Yrin meetings, it's customary for whoever initiates the meeting to arrive first. So I'm sitting at a small cafe table overlooking an open station thoroughfare. Yrin with their green, warty skin and gray-green clothes zoom by on their favorite mode of transportation: hover-segways. Hzzzzgort weave in among them, taking long, lumbering steps, using their cybernetic arm-extending prosthetics to push people or objects out of their way. Music blares through speakers all around the thoroughfare, weird and discordant. The clashing mix of unfamiliar spices from food vendors is strong. These are edging my sensory tolerance near my safe limit, but are not as yet unworkable. I'm the only human in sight. [[I'm really nervous about that.|nervous]] I've never been on an extraterrestrial station alone. [[I'm excited to be forging new relations for humanity.|excited]] We can use all the friends we can get. <<set $scripts to $scripts + 0>>

A hover-segway bumps into my table and I jump. The Yrin screeches, which my translator earbud helpfully translates as, "Sorry! I've never seen a human before. Are you always so thin? You're very thin. Are you always so silent? You should have said something by now. Please, it's courtesy. Please, please say something." I splutter. I've been trained, but this Yrin isn't following any of the scripts I've trained with. [[I stammer a generic hello,|nervous2]] because my mind's suddenly gone blank. [[No, wait. I need to script this out further,|followscript]] and plan for if the Yrin does follow my scripts. They probably won't, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't still have that script ready, too.

Well, of course I'm excited. I mean, this is the job of my dreams, and I've been working toward a solo mission for years now. But all my training can't fully prepare me for what it's like to be immersed in an extraterrestrial society. There's no way my excitement will outweight my nervousness, and excitement and nervousness together make me want to stim. I'd better try some calming techniques. The Yrin wave their hands as part of their language. I don't want to accidentally insult someone's parent if I start stimming. [[I calm myself with the fidget ring on my left hand, but I'm still nervous.|nervous]]

"Hello, hello!" the Yrin says, and sits down opposite me. The Yrin are ambisexual, with no concept of gender, so at least I don't have to try and read gender cues. Gender's always been hard for me, even among humans. But I kick myself for not handling this better. I served five years in the New Earth Alliance's Diplomatic Corps, working with my mentors to keep good relations between the NEA and the outflung human colony worlds. I've met plenty of extraterrestrials before, albeit ones more socialized with humans. I know better than to freeze up like this. [[I pull myself together.|nervouspositive]] I know my stuff. There's a reason the NEA sent me to start trade negotiations with the Yrin. They believe I can do this. [[I panic.|nervousnegative]] I suddenly realize I'm not suited to this job. Everything's too strange, too loud, too bright. I fight the urge to flee.

"Ser Yrin," I say, and waggle my hands in the Yrin gesture of respectful greeting. It has the added benefit of bleeding off some of my adrenaline tension. "I am so happy to meet you, and thank you for meeting me here. Might you be Sub-Ambassador Jiritt?" The Yrin, who seemed more than excitable until now, calms. Maybe they are nervous, too. They bob their shoulders, a Yrin version of a nod. "I am Sub-Ambassador Jiritt. And you are the human ambassador. Good! Now we have established our contact. Shall we get down to business?" I smile. I can do this after all. [[I am good at my job, I just need practice.|success]]

The Yrin sees me escalating into panic and it agitates them further. They start screeching too fast for my translator to keep up, making wild clicks and waving their hands. We draw a crowd. My auditory implants kick in, smoothing the sound around me, dampening that part of my sensory overload. But by now, I'm more than halfway toward a meltdown. The fact that I'm tired from my travel doesn't help. This is not good. I hunch down in my seat, clasping my hands tightly to keep from twitching. I don't want to think about the report I'll have to write, or the shuttle I'll have to charter back to base, because I've obviously botched this beyond salvaging. But my mind throws these things up anyway, because that's how my mind works. I force a deep breath. Then another. It doesn't always help, but it brings me back to the present. The Yrin is still wailing, though I can't hear it as loudly as before. But the Yrin, if it's the Yrin I'm supposed to meet, is a sub-ambassador. Not the leader of all the Yrin. And I don't think I've yet accidentally insulted their parent or anything like that. [[This might be salvageable.|nervousnegativeplus]] Maybe. If I can pull myself together and not start an interstellar incident. [[I need to take a break.|nervousnegativeminus]] I can set up a time to meet again later. It might make my job harder, but a human going into full meltdown won't help human-Yrin relations.

I stand and make a human calming gesture, before remembering I need to calm a Yrin. "Ser Yrin," I say, and waggle my hands in the Yrin gesture of respectful greeting. It has the added benefit of bleeding off some of the adrenaline tension, and I am so relieved by that. It's edging me just that bit further from meltdown, and every bit helps. "I am so happy to meet you, and thank you for meeting me here. Might you be Sub-Ambassador Jiritt?" The Yrin calms, and focuses back on me. They're breathing heavily, and their skin is greener than before, but the color seems to be fading. Are Yrin telepathic? Can they sense my agitation? If so, it's not in the official reports. They bob their shoulders, a Yrin version of a nod. "I am Sub-Ambassador Jiritt. And you are the human ambassador. Now we have established our contact." Jiritt sits down, and so do I. The crowds, seeing there is nothing more to see, disperse. My shoulders relax, just a bit. Maybe this is all new, but I do know my statecraft. I'm a good diplomat. I was just caught off guard, and tired, and already heightened with the new and chaotic sensory input of the station. [[I'll be okay. I smile.|success]]

I get up and walk away as graciously and quickly as I can, leaving the wailing Yrin and the crowds behind me. I'm not cut out for a diplomatic career after all. All my time spent working with other humans, mediating between human worlds, means nothing when faced with the vastly greater differences of extraterrestrials. Of being entirely alone in a station full of extraterrestrials. My tension escalates as I wonder if that means I'm xenist? I thought I'd purged all the nasty human tendencies to mistrust anyone not human, but maybe I haven't. Or I just need more time. Or practice. Or maybe it's all just sensory and cognitive overload and I need to get away and calm down. This might seem better in a half hour. I'm still edgy as I dip and jink between segwaying Yrin and lumbering Hzzzzgort. [[I go back to my quarters,|quarters]] take ten minutes to calm down, then call the Yrin consulate and apologize before I reschedule. Then I spend the night reviewing everything I know on the Yrin. Next time, I'll be more prepared. [[I decide I really can't do this.|limits]] And...maybe there's no shame in that. Ambassador Kim, my mentor, always said to know my limits and work within them.

After a night's sleep--not necessarilly a good night's sleep, because my surroundings are still unfamiliar and that takes me some time to get used to--I feel better. Maybe part of my troubles yesterday were travel exhaustion. I make a note in my personal journal to not schedule meetings a few hours after I've arrived. I get ready to go to the meeting again, feeling calmer and more prepared for what I might face. <<if $scripts gte 5>>I think I've run through as many scenarios as I can. I'm feeling pretty good about this. If I'm successful and can stay, I'm a step closer to my dreams. If I'm not successful and can't stay, I'm a little farther than I thought, but still on my way. [[Things are looking good.|end]] <<elseif $scripts gte 4>>I'm a thorough person. I have to be. It's just how I function. I'm pretty sure I've covered all my bases, but are there any choices I haven't made yet? Any paths I haven't gone down? Best check to be sure. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 3>>I'm almost there. I can feel a nearly complete picture of what's ahead and how to navigate it. How about one more time? [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 2>>I'm getting there. All this scripting will pay off, and it's already helping me feel better about what's to come. Just a few more times yet. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 1>>I've done two scripts now, but I should probably run this scenario a few more times. More scripts make me more prepared, and help a lot with my anxiety. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<else>>I'm done with this script, but I should run through this scenario a few more times, working all the angles. [[I start scripting again.|start]]<</if>> [[I'm done scripting. I can wing it.|failure]] <<set $scripts to $scripts + 1>>

Maybe it took a panic attack on a Yrin station to know what my limits are. I feel awful, but a little relieved, too. I was so nervous about this assignment to begin with. So nervous about this meeting. It's just too much for me to handle. I decide to use most of my travel allowance, which was supposed to last the next two weeks, to place an ansible call to Ambassador Kim. I find the nearest public console and punch in her galactic code. When her face appears on my screen, I paste on a smile. "I've found my limits, Ser Kim. I need to come home." I don't know what she was doing before this, but she looks tired. At my words, though, her brown eyes sharpen. "If you're thinking you're a failure, you're not. And if you're thinking some limits can't be expanded, you're wrong." I tell her what happened, and that I'm afraid I'm not cut out for this job, and that I might even be xenist and I don't know what to do with that or how to fix it. I think I'm broken. I expect her to berate me. It's what I would say to me. It's what I am saying to me. Instead, she leans into the vid pickup. "Listen to me. This was hard. My first time on my own on an alien station was hard, too. But you handled it. Not well, but you handled it. And you're not xenist--I know you. You're just overloaded. But take some time to yourself. Then you can handle the next thing, and the next thing. If you need to, come back. I'll help you recenter, and we can ease you into a softer assignment. Some people learn to swim by jumping in, and some learn by wading one centimeter at a time." [[I'm heartened by her words. I decide to give it another chance.|prequarters]] [[I feel a little better, but I know I still have work to do before I can do this on my own.|leaving]] I can't solve other people's problems without having a decent hold on my own, right?

I thank my mentor and turn off the comm, feeling lighter. Yes, I can do this. I really can. It just might take a few tries, and if there's any species that's genial enough to bear with a few of my tries, it's the Yrin. Thank goodness I wasn't sent to the Achi-Atta-Nattu, who take everything as an insult and incitement for war. So I didn't actually end the universe, or my career. [[I go back to my quarters|quarters]], and call the Yrin consulate and apologize before I reschedule. Then I spend the night reviewing everything I know on the Yrin. Next time, I'll be more prepared.

Wisdom is self-knowledge. I thank Ambassador Kim and say I'll be coming home. She smiles at me and says that's probably the best choice. She understands. She'll arrange some time in her schedule to get me more socialized with the various extraterrestrial species that are already friendly with the New Earth Alliance and help ease me more gently into my career. I thank her profusely. She always was my favorite mentor. "It's not a failure," she says. "Living life is never failure. We'll get you out again, never fear. You'll go on to do great things. I've always known that." She grins and cuts the comm. Maybe I didn't get it right this time. And maybe I won't the next. And maybe it will take a lot of self-examination and a lot of tries and a lot of work. But this is my dream, to be out here connecting to other species. Bringing the worlds together. [[This isn't the end.|quartersalt]]

PREP LIST FOR MY FIRST SOLO MISSION: - The Yrin station will have a lot of sensory input. I have my pressure vest on and my auditory suppression implants will kick in if my adrenaline rises too high. - If I have a meltdown, there will be no human around to help me. Yrin might not have Autistic people. They might interpret it wrong. - Ambassador Kim said I can pull out if needed. This isn't a critical mission. Trade with the Yrin is important, but they're as amiable as species come. - I don't want to disappoint Ambassador Kim. I must script this out. My shuttle docks in an hour and my first meeting is at 04:62 local time, just four hours from now. [[Begin scripting scenarios.|start]] <<set $scripts to 0>>

Okay, let's go back and start again. I'm sitting at the table, sipping my tea--a blend I brought with me, because the Yrin's teas are toxic to humans. A Yrin person approaches. The Yrin are ambisexual, with no concept of gender, so at least I don't have to try and read gender cues. Gender's always been hard for me, even among humans. "Hello, hello! I am Sub-Ambassador Jiritt. And you are the human ambassador." They make a deep booming sound in their rounded chest, which startles me, but my earbud translator interprets it as laughter. "Of course you are! Who else could you be?" I can't help my grin, and some of my tension bleeds away. This Yrin seems like an especially amiable Yrin. "Ser Jiritt," I say, and waggle my hands in the Yrin gesture of respectful greeting. "I am so happy to meet you, and thank you for meeting me here." "Of course, of course! Shall we get down to business?" [[That sounds great to me.|highsuccess]]

If I don't conciously script out a high-stress event, my head will do it anyway and pile on all the worst scenarios and keep churning them until I'm too worked up about the event to go at all. I'll stop my shuttle pilot and turn us around to go back home without ever setting foot on the station. Ambassador Kim will be disappointed with me. I will be disappointed with me. I can't make it as an ambassasdor. I can't do this. I can't figure anything out. I just can't handle this. I realize I'm escalating into a meltdown, and that's not what I need. I take some time to increase the pressure in my vest to calm my body's fight-or-flight responses. I activate my auditory implants to smoothe over the small sounds of shuttle travel that would normally be background for me, but now are shouting at me. And they ease. After twenty minutes, [[I start scripting again.|start]]

From here, I have my notes and scripts for how the opening negotiations might go. I think I'll be okay. Sub-Ambassador Jiritt seems very willing to work and converse with me. I really can follow my dream to help bring the worlds together. It's just that initial contact that's often the least predictable, the hardest to plan out. But I did it. <<if $scripts gte 5>>I think I've run through as many scenarios as I can. I'm feeling pretty good about this. If I'm successful and can stay, I'm a step closer to my dreams. If I'm not successful and can't stay, I'm a little farther than I thought, but still on my way. [[Things are looking good.|end]] <<elseif $scripts gte 4>>I'm a thorough person. I have to be. It's just how I function. I'm pretty sure I've covered all my bases, but are there any choices I haven't made yet? Any paths I haven't gone down? Best check to be sure. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 3>>I'm almost there. I can feel a nearly complete picture of what's ahead and how to navigate it. How about one more time? [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 2>>I'm getting there. All this scripting will pay off, and it's already helping me feel better about what's to come. Just a few more times yet. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 1>>I've done two scripts now, but I should probably run this scenario a few more times. More scripts make me more prepared, and help a lot with my anxiety. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<else>>I'm done with this script, but I should run through this scenario a few more times, working all the angles. [[I start scripting again.|start]]<</if>> [[I'm done scripting. I can wing it.|failure]] <<set $scripts to $scripts + 1>>

I go back to my quarterts and book a shuttle for home. Then, just to be safe, I place a call to the Yrin consolate and apologize for missing the meeting and causing the incident. Remarkably, they understand. I'm the third human diplomat who's been assigned here and didn't make it past the first day. They jovially say that four's probably the charm. Feeling better, I pack for home. <<if $scripts gte 5>>I think I've run through as many scenarios as I can. I'm feeling pretty good about this. If I'm successful and can stay, I'm a step closer to my dreams. If I'm not successful and can't stay, I'm a little farther than I thought, but still on my way. [[Things are looking good.|end]] <<elseif $scripts gte 4>>I'm a thorough person. I have to be. It's just how I function. I'm pretty sure I've covered all my bases, but are there any choices I haven't made yet? Any paths I haven't gone down? Best check to be sure. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 3>>I'm almost there. I can feel a nearly complete picture of what's ahead and how to navigate it. How about one more time? [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 2>>I'm getting there. All this scripting will pay off, and it's already helping me feel better about what's to come. Just a few more times yet. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 1>>I've done two scripts now, but I should probably run this scenario a few more times. More scripts make me more prepared, and help a lot with my anxiety. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<else>>I'm done with this script, but I should run through this scenario a few more times, working all the angles. [[I start scripting again.|start]]<</if>> [[I'm done scripting. I can wing it.|failure]] <<set $scripts to $scripts + 1>>

All this preparation helped my anxiety, so I'm in a pretty good state when I board the Yrin station. Of course, nothing can prepare me for everything. I'm not prepared, for instance, for the Hzzzzgort to lumber up to me at the docking bay and crush me in a hug with their cybernetic arms. I don't quite meltdown, but I'm close. At least I have a few hours until my scheduled meeting time with Sub-Ambassador Jiritt. I know to get some sleep if I can. I'll still be more stressed than usual, but sleep will help. I can do this. And if I can't, that's okay, too. That's just part of being me. Dreams take as long as they take, but they are always worth pursuing. END

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I did it. I made successful contact. And that wasn't so bad! Probably the best possible scenario. From here, I have my notes and scripts for how the opening negotiations might go. I think I'll be okay. It's that initial contact that's often the least predictable, the hardest to plan out. <<if $scripts gte 5>>I think I've run through as many scenarios as I can. I'm feeling pretty good about this. If I'm successful and can stay, I'm a step closer to my dreams. If I'm not successful and can't stay, I'm a little farther than I thought, but still on my way. [[Things are looking good.|end]] <<elseif $scripts gte 4>>I'm a thorough person. I have to be. It's just how I function. I'm pretty sure I've covered all my bases, but are there any choices I haven't made yet? Any paths I haven't gone down? Best check to be sure. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 3>>I'm almost there. I can feel a nearly complete picture of what's ahead and how to navigate it. How about one more time? [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 2>>I'm getting there. All this scripting will pay off, and it's already helping me feel better about what's to come. Just a few more times yet. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<elseif $scripts gte 1>>I've done two scripts now, but I should probably run this scenario a few more times. More scripts make me more prepared, and help a lot with my anxiety. [[I start scripting again.|start]] <<else>>I'm done with this script, but I should run through this scenario a few more times, working all the angles. [[I start scripting again.|start]]<</if>> [[I'm done scripting. I can wing it.|failure]] <<set $scripts to $scripts + 1>>